According to Ali Kurbanov, a 27-year-old practicing Muslim who is also looking for a second wife, it is difficult for a woman to agree to her husband's second marriage, however, if a woman. Marriage Counseling vs. One wife raises her fertility in response to an increase by the other wife because to them children are the best claim to resources controlled by the husband [22,23]. So, I was second selection of my in-laws." Polyamory is not just about sex, both Farmer and Schippers point out, whereas open marriages, open relationships and swinging tend to emphasize the sexual parts of a relationship. And more children too they are all so respectful and loving, a clear example of the home theyre being brought up in.. Gabe and I interact regularly with our exes and their new spouses, former in-laws, and current in-laws. Your spouse may still have lingering feelings associated with the former marriage, including guilt, shame, regret, anger, sadness, or many others. She stated, When I allowed my husband to marry a second wife, then God blessed me to have a child (translated from Urdu to English). Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. 2014; 5(27): 1058-1058. Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. BBC - Religions - Islam: Polygamy Jealousy is something almost everyone is afflicted with at some point and just because someone chose to be in a polygamous marriage doesn't mean they deserve less sympathy than anyone else. I don't care about the feelings of his first wife, his first . A man 'cannot do that to a woman': Why polygamy in Canadian - CBC The 58-year-old and her husband, Thamsanqa*, 65, married when Lillian was 18. Then communicate every detail to your wife she deserves that. What are the disadvantages of being a second wife? Mrs. Mustafa was another 1st wife. She stated, "'in my religion, co-wives expect to get along. The Big Question: What's the history of polygamy, and how serious a 5. 6 Truths About Being A Second Wife - Polygamy.com In the current study, co-wives reported several negative consequences of polygamy such as jealousy, lack of trust, unhappiness, loneliness, unequal financial division, and social privileges among the multiple wives those are consistent with previous studies conducted in UAE, Kuwait, Egypt, Jordan, the Gaza Strip, Arabs in Israel, Palestine, and Turkey which point out that the wives in polygamous marriages have reportedly more psychosocial, familial and economic problems compared to their counterparts from monogamous families [16-20]. Azad Chaiwala says he first "came out" as polygamous when he was just 12 . 2016; 22(3): 272-286. Dont be too quick to bash him, Lillian advises other women in her position. One Sunday morning Thamsanqa sat her down and asked her how shed feel if he took a second wife. Most Muslims do not practice polygamy. She also stated that "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayers and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." Maybe it was because I didnt have anyone in mind when I approached her I wasnt cheating on my wife, Id never do that.. According to Mrs. Abdullah (3rd wife: Amina), she and other wives are living in the same home and got along well. There is polygamy in Russia, and here is how it works Second marriages also have a much larger cast of characters than any first marriage. 27 Major Pros & Cons Of Polygamy vs. Monogamy - E&C 2015; 12(3): 267-289. In literature, the problems faced by polygamous women were highlighted. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. Obviously, it doesnt mean your marriage will end, just that it is more likely to than the first. But that's not the case in Canada, says Imam Hamid Slimi of the Sayeda Khadija . He proposed for marriage to me as a second wife. While in many cites it has been claimed that if a man is unable to maintain justice and equality to treat all the wives then the above verse is interpreted as in favour of monogamy [2]. The disadvantage of being a second wife Sense of insecurity The second wife will face insecurity toward her husband which will take her in a severe sense of doubts and auspiciousness. 2008; 148(6): 745-764. I'm seven months pregnant. In some countries like India, Iran, Iraq, Bangladesh, Algeria, Lebanon, Morocco, Jordan, and Kuwait allow a woman to include a clause prohibiting polygyny in marriage contacts. Makes sense if there is no balance between males and females in a region. Mrs. Amir (second wife) and Mrs. Kamal (first wife) were felt lonelier and criticized by their family because of infertility and the new wives were getting more privilege socially and financially because of having children. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy She said, "1st wife of my husband is working so 2nd wife of my husband and I used to manage the household chores. Causes and Consequences of Polygamy: an Understanding of Coping disadvantages of being a second wife islam 2006; 52(1): 5-17. Challenges of Polygamy Partiality of husbands: this is where. 2002; 32(1-2): 58-66. Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. Unfortunately, those stereotypes are not accurate. Problematic: Polygamy can be problematic from a legal and religious way. Lillian takes care of the children and is responsible for the admin of the taxi business, and Thembi still works as a nurse. His first marriage counted. Because her first husband always cursed him by saying a childless woman. Also, if your husband has financial problems, he had no right to marry you in the first place. 2006; 35(1), 46-61. "We injoi it and feele to prase the Lord." She has been married for 40 years. But honestly, if your significant other has already had a wedding, who cares? Provide the three areas that were Islamized. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry received 934 citations as per google scholar report, Research Article - ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (2021), Received: 20-Nov-2021 She said that time was very painful for me and my little daughters. The questions were translated into English according to the needs of international journal. It is a very common experience that discriminative behaviour of the husbands and unequal treatment with their wives causes several mental health issues in polygamous families. Prevalence of mental health problems in women in polygamous versus monogamous marriages: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Later on, she came to know her husband has married her with the support of his family for a male child. The psychological health of women is essential to raising a sound, healthy family and should receive high priority, particularly in developing countries where resources are limited. But after few months it was disclosed. Shed dropped out of school to help her sick grandmother, Nomqondiso, when Thamsanqa asked her for her hand in marriage. She told, "I used to cry in isolation". Resource-defense, scarcity of men, and countering a high pathogen load, and cultural determinists posit religion and gender discrimination as factors of polygamy in these countries [15]. The women of polygamous families shared their lived experiences of polygamy. Yet even though we have gallopped past our twentieth year of marriage, I am still considered The Second One by certain of our acquaintances. 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. Decisions made by two people in first families are often made or influenced by four or more adults in stepfamilies. The world is their oyster. However later on she has also accepted co-wife because of infertility and destiny. She also said, "'my children and 1 should get a fair and deserving share of the marriage and properties". Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. She almost lost her life I couldnt bear the thought of losing her. He kisses the back of Lillians hand as he talks. She told her a tragic story. Over breakfast her husband told her something that would make any woman choke on her toast: he wanted to take a second wife. The Quranic prescription for polygamy suggests that men can marry two, three or four wives (but not the other way round, naturally). She was blended with her husband by love marriage. Polygamy is a practice in which a person is married to more than one person at the same time, most commonly a man to several wives. She told, It was very shocking and tragic for me to have another female in my husband's life". In addition, the interpretive phenomenological analysis (IPA) was used to generate a wide range of perceptions and opinions that women carry out about their experiences in polygamous family structures. Even extended family like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. He loved her, and I was fond of her, Lillian says. She met Mr. Kamran 6 years back and married her after falling in love. READ MORE:Customary law know your rights. She said, "We both share the housework and I always take care of her children". They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. So infertility and no male child is the main factor to permit polygamy by the wives [8]. It just means that being a second wife comes with a lot of challenges along the way. The Advantages and Disadvantages of Polygamous Homes. In most cases the husband will go back to the wife and apologise after his elders have spoken to him. In the normal course of events theres no need for formal structures in polygamous relationships as the wives usually work most things out for themselves, he says. Female infanticide and killing women for giving birth to a baby girl a case study of Pakistan inproceedings of socioint14-international conference on social sciences and humanities. It's a common misconception that polygamy means one man married to multiple wives. Being a step-parent can be a very . The findings of the study indicate that polygamy is a painful and bitter pill for most women to swallow. The impact of polygamy on women's mental health: A - ResearchGate Life of women in polygamy: battles of the co-wives The reverse is probably true, too: When women are taken from the marriage market, men suffer. Your wedding is your wedding and you can do whatever you want. Its not like I wasnt married before, too. Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didn't quite open, he is. What's popular and why. Second marriages are like the mature version of you getting married again. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. My mother is a retired teacher and my dad could never keep a job, so she supported us. But then came Thamsanqas shattering statement. She had a male child during the interview. Should a Muslim man marry a second wife? Constitutionally, polygamy raises important issues under the free exercise clause of the First Amendment. To seek the coping strategies to accept the new relationship by co-wives. 2 Meet other future spouses. One female Mrs. Abdullah was feeding a new born baby she was 3rd wife of her husband. It found that while 70 per cent agreed that Muslim men have a right to polygamous marriages so long as they can treat all wives fairly, only 30 per cent would allow their own husband to marry . She told that My in-laws had not good relationships with the first wife of my husband. Results: Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. Yet we have to shake off the stigma attached to being The Second Wife and say, with a smile, Yes indeed, Im his second wife. You are a little older now, and you learned some harsh realities. Mrs. Kamran was the 2nd wife, working in a hospital. The positive side of the study is to explore the advantages and strategies used by polygamous women were very significant. Bigger families imply more connections. But surprisingly enough, she understood and agreed to it. I grew up as an only child, and I always knew I wanted a lot of children, but my wifes pregnancy with the twins was very complicated. Lillian had twins Zakhele* and Zanele* (now 39), and thought she and her husband were happy. She was divorced from her second husband because of infertility and the first time her husband died of an illness. What Being In A Polygamous Marriage Is Really Like He says he isnt much of a speaker. My first marriage--even though it lasted five years--did not. Objectives: The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. Polygamy is often based on traditional cultural practices or religious beliefs. These findings have implications for policymakers and family advisors. She told she was also present during the delivery. In another study man's wife having been diagnosed with a mental health problem, infertility, a man has only daughters or having children mentally and physically sick or man's wife older than he is, and exchange marriage are common reasons were discussed in a previous study. You feel the need to establish more control over the decisions of your partner. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process.
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